Life update 2/19/15
This week has been full of doctor appointments, stress, teething baby, and needles.
I saw my immunologist due to chronic sinusitis and horrible allergies. I had my allergy test redone, started immunotherapy for the allergies, and new regime of antihistamines, steroid nasal sprays, and inhalers. It was the first visit that my son was aware of what was going on and he cried when I was stuck with needle so he ended up going to play in the SUV with his Mimi.
When that appointment was done e headed to Rheumatology. I have been having a lot of issues and a major flare up of symptoms. I received trigger point injections, x Rays, change of medication, and lab work for lupus and RA. I have a nerve test scheduled..
It was a long long day with a teething baby and too many needles.
My son said “Love you” for the first time while waiting for my doctor. I think he new mommy needed love!
Baby snuggles and giggles at the end of the day made it easier to deal with knowing that everything is worth it to make a better life for us..
Hopefully when I have my follow up appointment we can form a better care plan for my chronic pain and illness.
Tonight, instead of complaining or whining about how miserable I feel, I want to take a moment to thank God for allowing me to be here one more day. I am so blessed and thankful for everyone in my life. I am blessed with parents would move mountains for me, and always reminded me not to forget the road home despite where my travels have taken me. I am blessed with cousins and friends that check on me even if we have not spoke for days. I am blessed with a church family that prays for me and loves me. I am blessed with my love, we have our moments but always find forgiveness in our hearts and minds to love unconditionally. I am so blessed with a rambunctious loving Rhea, in her own special way she understands me more than most humans.
I am grateful for the opportunity to suffer in sickness and rejoice in health. I am blessed to know the difference between a good day and a great day. I pray that no matter what happens, I will always be thankful for suffering. As long as there is suffering, there is hope. Where there is hope, there is faith.
Even though I feel miserable, I am so happy to be a live each day and able to endure and preserve. I am blessed. I am loved.
The dark side of illness is inevitable. Yesterday, I spent a few hours in urgent care and received my second steroid shot in two weeks. Today, I am slowly improving and battling my upper respiratory infection more effectively. The shot, antibiotics, and cough medicine seem to be doing their job. However, Steroid shots are not nice to me; I always end up feeling emotional and cranky. They are a necessary evil. To top it off the weather is stormy and my FMS is flaring. I guess I’ll have to recount my spoons!
I feel miserable. I feel weak, emotional, cranky, and hungry. This is not working well on my diet and I’m just counting my blessings that I’m too dizzy to get out of bed alone that way I can’t eat everything in sight.
I am always the upbeat, motivated, get things done kind of woman. I hate feeling invalid or weak. Today I am hit with the reality that I have my weaknesses just like everyone else. My body is a weakness. It limits me. I feel like my head night explore and at this moment – I would probably let it. Just kidding, no really, I’m all for it.
I guess in about five minutes I’ll bounce out of the pity party and into the slumber party. But I give myself five whole minutes to feel miserable be sad about it. I’m mourning the canceled plans, feeling guilt for not being able to be there at the vet today with my furbaby (she had a procedure done), and just general nonchalant about being this sick during the last two weeks of my summer break.
So if anyone else is in a similar boat, hold your down only long enough to pray and put your crown back on! This too shall pass and something good will follow it. Attitude is everything and I always have an abundant supply if you need to borrow some!!
My five minutes is over and I’m done whining for the day. Now, to move on to more pleasant thoughts.
I have grown up with chronic illness and chronic pain. It has some disadvantages but I firmly believe that I am lucky to have the extra character builders. I try to live life wholly and humorously. Here’s five lessons I’ve picked up in my short twenty three years:
1) Always wear clean underwear. Preferably cute ones. You never know when you will get sick and end up at urgent care or the Emergency room and have to put on a gown.
2) Timing is everything. Try to plan your most strenuous activities during your most productive time of the day. Eleven to one is my most productive time of the day. Mainly, I think because I prefer to sleep until ten a.m. Then, it takes me at least an hour to get motivated and able to move.
3) Self acceptance – it’s okay to have limits. You aren’t perfect and neither is the Barbie standing beside you in the elevator. Do not become a recluse. You have a chronic condition not a death sentence. That is no way to live your life. Just limit your productiveness and your rest. It’s a balancing act. Be flexible. You can either let it challenge you to be more or let it define you. I always love a good challenge.
4) Strength. You never know how strong you are until strong is the only option. That is a cliche, but it’s cliche for a reason. It’s true. When your body protest any and all movement but your furbaby keeps whining to go out side and even comes to lick your cheek – you get your butt out of bed no matter how hard it is and let the damn dog out. If you are lucky, like me, she will gladly assist you in getting up from any position. My chow has taught herself how to be my therapy dog. However, I’m pretty sure it’s just a survival thing on her part. I love it regardless.
5) You will find out who your real friends are, who is fake,or ones that simply can’t handle what it entails to be your friend. Either way, it helps with the filtration system. Being chronically ill or in chronic pain really puts a damper on your social life and it is inevitable that you will cancel, probably multiple times, or have to reschedule for the fourth time this month. They will either wait patiently or come to you. I love my friends, you guys rock!
I am grateful for the challenges and the curve balls life has thrown me. There is never a dull moment. Keep your head up!!
As wise woman told me, “It’s not what you deal with, it’s how you deal with it.” That statement gave me a lot of food for thought. I’ve come to realize that everyone has things in their life that they deal with and no one can ever know exactly what you are going through; that at times you have to be your own best friend. You must stick up for yourself, for your body, mind, and spirit. You have to do what is best for you and you alone.
If you don’t take care of yourself then who will take care of you? You have to treasure your body. It is immensely important for you to respect your morals and stand by your values. . At times life will let you down and fail you; you can’t take it out on anyone. You just have to deal with it and move on. Above all else you must accept it. Even though all of that is easier said than done,it is possible. I realized the most important and sometimes the hardest yet simplest thing that we can do is love our self.
That a lot of things in my life are changing and the unknown is getting closer and closer. I’ve come to evaluate recently what kind of person I want to be and what kind of person that I am — Do I like the person I am? I’m okay with it. Is there things I want to change? Yes, there are a lot of changes that I want to make in my life. I’m probably one of the most indecisive people you will ever come across.
It is because I want to do so many things and I’m just trying to figure out which of these goals has to come first. I’m sure a lot of twenty somethings have this issue. I’m here to say that it is OKAY to not know what you want to do with your life. It’s okay to take that semester off and discover yourself. Be free, be alive, enjoy life!
Take every chance you can get to embrace life and discover more about yourself and the world around you. Don’t be afraid to take a chance. Just take it day by day and live every second for what it is worth.